How to have a Blissful Bedtime
- Laura Thompson | 14th May 2021 -
At the end of a long day of parenting, you still have one last job to do … get them to bed! Is this a smooth transition in your house? Maybe not, so often this time can be filled with big emotions, meltdowns, anxiety, fear, push back, protest and power struggles. Everyone is tired it can be overwhelming and exhausting! You may feel like you just have to ‘get through it’ but wouldn’t it be nice if bedtimes flowed smoothly and were full of fun, love and connection?
Well, I think they can be! Sure, there will still be nights where things feel a little fractious but with a few simple strategies you can create a routine that really works for your whole family!
These tips will work great for toddler from around 13 months of age, some of them may go slightly over the heads of younger toddler but they certainly won’t do any harm and there’s still plenty here that is relevant! It’s also relevant for preschool and school aged children, I work with children to 6 years old and use all of these things with my own children who are (nearly 5 years and 2 years old!)
Understand the challenges
Bedtime can feel like a big transition for little ones. The process of going to sleep means surrendering control. Identify which areas of your bedtime routine throws up the most difficulties for your household so that you can troubleshoot and find ways to make those times feel calmer and happier.
Be a leader
If bedtimes have been a source of contention for some time you’re feeling about it could be having an impact on the whole family. It’s completely understandable and this is not me wagging a finger to tell you to do better! Sometimes we need to make a conscious effort to change our mind set. Once you have a plan in place to make changes to the routine this should help you feel more confident!
Being a leader does not mean you need to be dictator but to set your expectations with clarity and consistency.
If bedtimes have been a source of contention for some time you’re feeling about it could be having an impact on the whole family. It’s completely understandable and this is not me wagging a finger to tell you to do better! Sometimes we need to make a conscious effort to change our mind set. Once you have a plan in place to make changes to the routine this should help you feel more confident!
Being a leader does not mean you need to be dictator but to set your expectations with clarity and consistency.
Structure
Having a definite structure to your routine will help everyone to feel more calm, confident and secure. The routine will become a habit, so there is no question or negotiation to be had, this is just how it’s done!
Completing the same bedtime tasks in the same order, at about the same time each evening cues to your toddler that sleep is coming and will start to help them produce more of the sleep hormone melatonin to get them ready for this!
You could introduce bedtime routine cards or a bedtime chart to keep the routine on track. Many toddlers love this process as they can interact with it by laying cards out or ticking tasks off on a chart. There are so many options available to you from purchasing a chart, free downloads or a DIY version with your own photos or drawings, perhaps even getting your little one involved in its creation. Don’t over think it, it doesn’t have to be anything fancy!
Boundaries
Be firm with your expectations really clear from the outset and follow through with whatever you have set out. Setting ‘loving limits’ will help deal with those bedtime stalling tactics. You know the ones I mean? ‘I need a wee’, ‘I’m hungry’ ‘one more cuddle’ and so on … AND SO ON!
So instead make a confident decision about each aspect of the bedtime routine and do not deviate from your set boundaries. So for example decide; how long in bath time will be and how many stories you will read. Using a timer is another very helpful tool here, set a timer for each task and then it’s not Mummy or Daddy saying bath time is done now … it’s the timer!
Choices
Whilst we need to lead with confidence and consistency we can do this whilst also giving children some independence. Some of the battles we experience at bedtime with our toddlers come down to control. If you think about it toddlers have very little control over much of their lives, a lot is decided for them!
As our children go from baby to toddler they begin to crave more autonomy, become more wilful and independent! Whilst this can be challenging, it’s not such a bad thing, we want to encourage their independence so consider how you can do this within set parameters. There are lots of ways you can offer choices during the bedtime routine, try giving just two options so as not to cause overwhelm and indecisiveness.
- Which toy would you like to play with in the bath?
- Shall we use the blue towel or the white towel?
- Would you like Mummy or Daddy to read your bedtime story?
You may find that older children can handle a few more options such as choosing a bedtime story from the whole shelf. You know your child best and it may be worth asking them to make some choices ahead of time.
Connection
Some children experience separation anxiety around bedtime so we can help alleviate this by making the routine a really connected experience. Include lots of physical and eye contact in your routine and have fun! Laughing and giggling together is such a good way to build that connection and fill up your little one’s love tank. The bedtime routine does not all have to be a super calming serene affair. I also love to include set 1:1 playtime as part of the routine where you put aside all distractions (*hint – your phone – I am also guilty of this!) and focus solely on playing with your child, however they want to for around 15 minutes.
So what should your routine look like?
Here is a sample routine to get you started;
5:45pm – Bath time
6:00pm – PJs and teeth
6:15pm - 1:1 playtime
6:30pm – Story
6:45pm – Bedtime
Every family is different so we can expect routines to look different in every household. It all depends on so many factors like how many children you have and their ages, your work schedules and how many parents are involved in the routine plus so many other considerations! So it’s totally up to you to work out a routine that works for your family.
If you would like some help figuring out your bedtime routine or any other aspect of your child’s sleep you can book a free call to chat about how I can support you with this.
