Sleep Training & Mum Guilt
- Laura Thompson | 19th January 2021 -
‘I really didn’t want to go down this route but…’
I’m hearing this phrase an awful lot at the moment when families reach out to me for support and it’s got me thinking!
What is it about the term ‘sleep training’ that plays so heavily on our Mum (or Dad!) guilt?
What is holding people back from taking this step in changing their child’s exhausting sleep habits?
Sleep training is not a last resort!
It seems to be that seeking support with our little one’s sleep and taking definitive action to change things has become an uncomfortable decision that is only made if you absolutely have to.
I don’t think it should be - you don’t have to be at rock bottom to want to see things differently!
You can be looking to resolve bedtime battles and multiple extended night waking or simply wishing to extend your little one’s naps. Your situation is personal to you and there is no judgement here. If you can make changes that improve your quality of life, no matter how small those changes may be then why shouldn’t you!?
I’ll have to leave my baby to cry alone!
Well, not necessarily! Yes, there are sleep training methods out there that involve leaving your child for some time to cry. There are also plenty that don’t!
Cry it out or the extinction method is one end of the sleep training spectrum. It involves putting your baby to bed in the evening and not returning to the room until morning. Often confused with controlled crying or the regulated response strategy which involves leaving your child for regular intervals and giving them some time and space to begin to learn how to settle themselves to sleep.
But you don’t have to leave your baby alone at all!
When I am working with families the first route we always explore is one where the parents can actively support their little one throughout the whole process. This means being right there with their child and gradually reducing their input in helping them to fall asleep. Over a number of nights handing over the reins to their child.
Much the same way as you would teach your child any other life skill, offering support and building confidence until your little one can do it all by themselves!
I love the analogy of teaching your child how to ride a bike. In the beginning you will show them how the bike works - the pedals, the handlebars, and how the steer. You’ll hold onto the saddle and run along behind them. Little by little you let go of the saddle, staying close by to catch them when they wobble. Suddenly they start riding further and further by themselves until that proud moment they are whizzing round the garden all by themselves!
Let’s not forget the foundations!
So I love the gradual retreat method for teaching independent sleep! Encouraging this independence plays a fundamental role in changing unhelpful sleep habits but it’s not everything!
Laying the foundations for good sleep is also hugely important! Setting our children (and ourselves!) up for success by making sure we have all these things in place. Adequate and well timed day sleep to ensure our little ones are not suffering from over or under tiredness. Ensuring our routines are well established, making children feel safe and secure. Considering sleep hygiene, enough time outdoors, physical activity and a sleep environment conducive to sleep. All these things also play a huge role in getting better sleep!
But it’s a selfish decision …
Oh hey- there’s that Mum guilt again!
Parents feel guilty for wanting to improve their child’s sleep because they have a belief that they are making the changes purely so they can get more sleep (a valid reason by the way but we’ll get into that!)
Here’s the thing … your child needs good sleep and they are so ready!
To name just a few reasons, your child needs sleep for their growth, memory acquisition, attention, concentration, emotional wellbeing and to strengthen their immune system.
Making the decision to tackle your child’s sleep issues will benefit them hugely!
You need sleep too!
All of those benefits also apply to you!
You need your sleep to be able to function effectively at work and at home. You need energy to be a patient, present, happy parent for your child. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture and you don’t have to put yourself through that anymore.
Sleep training is not easy!
Its hard work, you have to be consistent and committed to making the changes needed to improve your situation.
So in fact making this decision to work hard at something that benefits your whole family is not selfish at all!
And will it be worth it? Absolutely!
If you are ready to make a change and need some support – let’s chat!
Book a discovery call here …
